The Simpsons

Dr. Seuss' Lesser Known Books

  1. The Cat in the Blender

  2. Are You My Proctologist?

  3. Fox in Detox

  4. Who Shat in the Hat?

  5. Horton Feels a Ho

  6. The Lemon-Fresh Lorax

  7. How the Grinch Stole Columbus Day

  8. Your Colon Can Moo....Can You?

  9. Zippy the Rabid Gerbil

  10. One Bitch, Two Bitch, Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch

  11. Marvin K. Mooney, Get the Fuck Out!

  12. Herbert the Pervert Likes Sherbert

  13. The Bitch Set Me Up

  14. I've Fallen....And I Can't Get Up!

  15. Yentl the Lentil

  16. My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket

  17. Aunts in My Pants

  18. Hop On Mom

  19. Oh, the Place You'll Scratch and Sniff!

  20. Horton Fakes an Orgasm

  21. The Grinch's Ten Inches

    Submitted by: James Anthony Savage

There's A Wacket In My Jacket

There's a wacket in my jacket
So if you give me lip
I'll break your hip
If my hair you tease
I'll bust your knees
My car you harm
I break your arm

You ransack my place
I pound your face
You steal my pup
I mess you up
Do you see what I'm driving at?
My wacket's harder than a baseball bat

I shall be short, I shall be brief
You mess with me, My wacket Gives grief

But if you try and steal my floozy
Well that is really quite a doozy
I think I'd put down my wacket
And reach further inside my jacket
And from I would pull an Uzi.

Horton Hires A Ho

Now over here is Billy Grimp
Billy Grimp's a dandy pimp
He talks to Horton, He talks a lot
He tells him that his girls are hot

Horton listens, Billy talks
And talks and talks and talks and talks

Finally Billy stops his talking
Horton Pays, the pair start walking
Billy takes him to a dank old room
Hortons removes his pants with a ZOOM
In the room now comes Shaletta
Horton thinks he could do no better

But alas! Oh no! Bull and dust!
The police come in and make a bust
All the girls-Tall, Big breasted
Are rounded up and arrested

Horton also fares not well
He's placed inside a holding cell
Imprisoned here with all the scum
Whatever will he tell his mum.

Submitted by: Sam Magrath -

Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash;
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
til your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a big bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the thing is gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk
and the macrocode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

Submitted by: Jester Jean

  • Dr.Sues Cat In The Hat Drinking Poem

    I'd like another drink i think
    Another drink to make me pink
    I think I'll drink until I stink
    I'll drink until I cannot blink

    Perhaps I'll have a shot of rye
    The rye I spy with my own eye
    Some rye to make me fly so high
    I think that I can touch the sky

    Or baybe I will have some rum
    It's not so dumb to want some rum
    I'll drink and fall upon my bum
    Or maybe contemplate my thumb

    Some vodka would be very nice
    Or wine, or maybe scotch on ice
    Perhaps Kahlua would entice
    I'll drink it once, I'll drink it twice

    I wantt some beer to make me cheer
    Hurray! Hurrah! A cheer for beer!
    I will not stick it in my ear
    Hurrah! Hurray! I'm here for beer!

    I'll drink with my friends Jack and Ron
    I'll drink until my liver's gone
    I'll invite Sam and Bud and you
    And Captain Morgan can come, too

    I'm loaded now, I have to go
    My brain is working very slow
    There's just one thing I need to know:
    Where is the can? I have to go!

    Submitted by: Electric Jesus - 1996-2006 ~ All Rights Reserved