Q: Did you hear O.J. has refused to play on the prison football team?
A: He heard they wanted him to line up in a four-point stance.
Q: Did you hear the Bills fired Marv Levy?
A: They felt the team lacked a killer instinct, so they hired O.J. Simpson.
Q: What was O.J.'s favorite play in the Bills' play book?
A: Cut left, then slash right!
Q: Why did O.J. kill Goldman?
A: To prove the Bills could slaughter the competition and not just choke.
Q: Did you hear what the longest drive was during the U.S. Open?
A: O.J. Simpson....61 miles.
Q: Who's the most famous Los Angeles Dodger?
A: O.J. Simpson.
Q: Why did O.J. go to Chicago after killing two people?
A: It was the perfect place for a three-peat!
Q: Did you hear that the police are now saying that O.J. moved the bodies after the murders?
A: They are accusing him of 2 carries for 58 yards.
Q: Did you hear experts have already predicted the Super Bowl champion for next season?
A: It's going to be the San Quentin prison football team.
Q: What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and John Elway?
A: One drives a slow, white Bronco. The other is a slow, white Bronco.
Q: What's the difference between the Dallas Mavericks and O.J. Simpson?
A: O.J. has a slow white Bronco and Duke has a slow white Cherokee.
Q: What's OJ's favorite baseball team (besides the Dodgers)?
A: The Red Sox!
Q: Remember what a great career O.J. had with the Buffalo Bills?
A: Imagine what he could have done with the Sabres!
Q: Did you hear about Hertz's new billboard?
A: It's a picture of O.J. Simpson with a caption, "Hertz: For Great Getaways!"
Q: What was Nicole Simpson's last words?
A: Stop, O.J.! It Hertz!
Q: Did you hear that Hertz dropped O.J.?
A: Chicago Cutlery picked him up.
Q: Did you hear about the new O.J. Simpson movie?
A: It's called, "Sex, Knives, and Athletic Tape."
Q: Why did O.J. kill his wife the way he did?
A: He was practicing for a part in a new movie: Jock the Ripper
Q: Did you hear Nicole Simpson got her own endorsement offer?
A: She's going to be a Pez Dispenser.
Q: Did you hear about the, "Simpson Special" from Hertz?
A: You get a free police escort when you rent a Bronco.
At the end of the regulation marriage, without any additional scoring, the only thing left was sudden death.
O.J.'s final run, although spectacular, epitomized his career. Just think what he could have done if he had just had some really good blocking.
I heard O.J. tried to kill his wife in Buffalo, but they retired his #32!
O.J. was offered a plea bargain. Life in prison without parole, or a season behind the Cleveland Browns line. He took the life sentence.
He's still a great footballer... Still slices up the opposition wherever he finds them!
Rumor has it that instead of giving Juice the chair for a guilty conviction, they are going to sentence him to play two more years in Buffalo.
O.J. ran for more yards in one evening than in 8 years with Buffalo.
O.J. Simpson will go down in history as one of the most versatile players in history:
He entered the NFL as a running back...
He entered prison as a tight end...
And he will leave prison as a wide receiver!
O.J. used to play football. Now it looks like he played sock-her as well!
The police are now saying that the murder weapon was a set of hedge clippers. O.J.'s lawyers think that instead of getting the death penalty, O.J. will get 15 yards for clipping.
The NFL announced its 75th anniversary team. O.J. Simpson was selected as one of the running backs. When informed of the honor, O.J. could only say that he was glad he'd made the cut...
Q: Did you hear that the prosecution has moved to change the venue of the trial?
A: They wanted to move the trial to a place where no one knows football. They chose Houston.
Q: Did you hear that O.J. Simpson got kicked off the prison softball team?
A: It seems he kept losing his glove and whenever he went home he carried a knife...
Well I don't buy his alibi either. Have you seen the way O.J. moves through an airport? And he's real quick at rental cars too...
I guess everyone in the L.A. Airport thought O.J. was just shooting a new rental car commercial when they saw him running through the airport!
Did you hear that Hertz Car Rental Agency is changing its name to Killz?
A new Ford Bronco is being marketed to replace the Eddie Bauer model. It is the O.J. model. It comes with storage for your knives and bloody gloves, stain-resistant carpeting, extra fuel capacity for those long trips and a cellular phone. Takes you for the drive of a lifetime.
Now I know why O.J. did all those Hertz commercials: Practice.
I've heard that O.J.'s troubles have resulted in at least one commercial endorsement contract being cancelled. Apparently it's killed the Ginsu Knife deal!
Naked Gun 44 1/4 - Nordberg gets The Chair!
They are going to remake the movie "The Longest Yard," starring O.J. Simpson as himself.
Q: What did Nicole say to Ron Goldman?
A: You can eat my _ _ _ _ _ but the juice will kill you!
Submitted by: Chris Mc Coy (ChrisMcCoy@juno.com)
Q: What was the last thing that O.J. said to Nicole?
A: Your waiter will be with you in a minute.
Q: Did you hear that OJ confessed?
A: They squeezed it out of him!
OK, your on the jury!
Submitted by: Wes Rickards (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Q: Why did O.J. get Nicole cremated and spread her ashes on the lawn?
A: So he could cut her once a week!
Submitted by: Ryan Ritter
Q: Did you hear about OJ's new Hertz commercial?
A: The slogan is "We'll get you in and out with an hour to kill"
Submitted by: KC (email@example.com)
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon
passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why
don't you let me show you around?"
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a huge room full of clocks.
The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."
The guy thinks that this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why that is?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hands are spinning at an unbelievable rate. So he asks, "What's the story with that clock?"
"Oh, that," St. Peter replies, "That's OJ Simpson's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
Submitted by: James Anthony Savage
OJ Simpson is laying in the middle of Santa Monica Boulevard and threatening to set himself on fire with gasoline if he doesn't get enough donations to help him pay the judgements against him. This incident has backed up traffic for miles. A police officer is going car to car asking for donations so OJ will move.
A guy in a sports car calls over the officer and asks, "What is going on?"
The officer replies, "Well OJ can't handle the 30 million loss due to the civil suit so we're asking for donations, or he'll set himself on fire."
The guy in the car asks, "Well how much have you collected so far?"
The officer replies, "About fifteen gallons."
Submitted by: Seth Carter
Q: Why does O.J. like golf so much?
A: Because he likes to whack things that are white!
Submitted by: Rval9
Q: Did you hear that OJ lost his mansion to the bank?
A: Not to worry...he made quite a killing on his ex-wife's condo!
Submitted by: Biggie
Finally, O.J. Simpson dies. While parades are being held, O.J. goes to hell. While waiting for admitance, he meets Adolf Hitler.
"Oh, you're that Simpson fella I heard about!" Hitler says, "It's an honor to meet someone who did such a hideous crime, and got away with it. You remind me of myself. But there's a difference between you and me."
"What's that!!" O.J. exclaims.
"I didn't leave so damn many clues behind!"
Submitted by: Mike Smylie
Q: What did Ron Goldman say to Nicole when he arrived in heaven?
Here's your fucking glasses!
Submitted by: Tony Martin
Q: What do Tony Danza, Heidy Fleice, and O.J. Simpson have in common?
A: Golf, one's a driver, one's a hooker, and one's a slicer.
Submitted by: Julius Pereira - firstname.lastname@example.org
O.J. Simpson virus: You know he did it but you cant prove it
Submitted by: Buster - email@example.com
"Retrieving this duck that I just shot", he replied. The farmer replied, "The duck is on my side of the fence, so now it's mine."
Cochran then asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to. "No", replied the farmer, "I don't know, and I don't care."
Does the name O.J. Simpson mean anything to you?" asked Cochran.
"Yup" said the farmer, "I seen him on TV in that court case."
"I am Johnny Cochran from Los Angeles", came the reply. "I am the lawyer that got O.J. Simpson off. I'm the reason he is a free man today. And if you don't let me get that duck, I will sue you on the basis of racial prejudice and take your farm, your truck, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street."
"Well," said the farmer, "We ain't in Los Angeles. Here in the country the law we go by is the 3 kicks law."
"Never heard of it," said Cochran.
The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times. Then if you get back up on your feet, and are able to kick me back 3 times, that duck is yours."
Cochran, always looking for a challenge to show his superiority, thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he could take on and easily out do this old farmer. "OK", said Cochran, "Fair enough."
So right off the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin. As he doubled over, the farmer kicked him squarely in the face. Then when he hit the ground, he kicked him hard in the side, breaking a couple of ribs.
After long minutes, and several failed attempts, Cochran slowly made it back to his feet. Through clenched teeth, he says "Alright, now it's my turn!"
The farmer smiled and said, "Na, forget it. You can have the duck."
Submitted by: Oly Harrison
OJ Simpson didnt kill Ron Goldman or his wife, Michael Jackson did. He only has the one glove!
Submitted by: Mckayrman - outlawthugz7